January 30th, 2007 10:30 p.m. Been traveling for about 17 hours through different time zones and airports. Finally got some sleep on my flight from London to Yerevan. The Armenian man sitting next to me nudged me awake to tell me that we're about to land. Land in Yerevan? The butterflies start to flutter in my stomach. They had been fluttering for the past month as I was preparing for my trip to Armenia. I look out the window and all I see is black darkness with some flickering lights coming from the towns and cars on the highway. As the airplane descends even closer I notice that everything is covered in white goodness. Snow, lots of it. A California girl in snowy Armenia! As I was pondering the cold, I felt a bumpy jolt and I realized that we had just landed. What are these sensations I am feeling? I have never felt this way when I landed in a foreign country before. What am I to expect? I had only heard about Armenia through stories from school and friends who had visited, seen photos in books and through family history. But to actually set foot on Armenian soil and feel the energy of the land and people was a scary and yet exciting feeling.

We get out of the plane and get bused to the gate. A smile runs across my face as I see Armenian writing and hear the airport employees converse in Armenian. Wait is it Armenian? It sounds like it, but I don’t understand most of it. Oh no, my first feeling of culture shock. I get to the gate, fill out the proper paperwork and go straight to the immigrations officer. I end up conversing with the immigration officer for about 10 minutes!!! He looks through my passport, asking me about my travels to other countries and then asks me probably the most thought provoking yet simple question; ‘what has taken you so long to visit Armenia?’ I thought long and hard about that question. At the moment I just made up a simple answer, yet I had been pondering it till today. Why has it? I had vacation time, I had money, and I have the stamina to survive a long flight, so why? I realized just after living in Armenia for a month that I wasn’t mentally and emotionally ready to truly experience Armenia and the feelings of displacement associated with being a diasporan until now.

Do I still feel displaced? Two and half months have passed since I set foot in Armenia for the first time. ‘Do I like it here’ is a question that most local Armenians ask me when they first meet me. ‘Do I feel at home in Armenia?’ is another popular question. This is how I can sum it all up the best way possible; it is the little things in Armenia that makes me feel alive, happy, and at home. The breakfast my host mom prepares for me with a little bit of chocolate goodness and love on the side. The old man I see every afternoon holding his grandson in his arms with the biggest smile on his face. The old couple working in the booth whom I have coffee with and convince me to stay longer. The men working at the kebab houses who want to marry me so we can live a happy life together in the states. The familiar faces of friends I see walking down the street and chat with on my way to work. The congregations of men all over the streets of Armenia, who seem to look busy, but really are checking out all of the beautiful young Armenian women who walk pass them. The florist who always gives me a flower to brighten up my day. The laughter and cups of hot tea at my workplace every morning when I arrive. Eating dried mulberries and drinking tea in a village house with the most lovable family, while waiting for the snow storm to subside so the roads clear up. The endless cups of vodka and toasts over dinner. The live music that fills my soul and gives me the energy to stay up all night. The unforgettable view of Mt. Ararat from my office window. My host family’s extended families that come far and wide to greet me and welcome me to Armenia and make sure I am comfortable. The endless marriage proposals and questions about my love life. The sunny Saturday mornings spent chatting with my host mom over a cup of Armenian coffee. The freedom and laughter of the local kids playing and messing around in the yards. And finally, the most amazing friends who eventually become your family.

Every morning when I wake up, I feel a rush through my body. I can’t wait for the day to unfold. Who am I going to meet today? What new emotion am I going to feel walking down the streets of Yerevan? Everyday is unique and special in Armenia. Yet at the same time somewhat familiar. Armenia is home. The feeling of displacement has subsided. I miss it when I am away, not for its cafes and restaurants, but for its energy, its gifts, and most importantly because it brings out the best in me.

Karen Kazanci (USA)
AVC Volunteer and BR/DH participant